So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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