a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
