i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
