You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
