I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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