nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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