Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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