Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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