i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
