Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
