I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
