Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
