wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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