Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
