he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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