Sober January is a disaster.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
