i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
