he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
