When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
