he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
