Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
