Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
