He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
