about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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