girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
