last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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