i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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