My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
