Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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