Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize