I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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