if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
