a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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