Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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