I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
