I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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