tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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