If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
