The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
