apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize