I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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