mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
