Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
