can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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