i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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