Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
