he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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