we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
