If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
