I wannas sexs uuuuu
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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