I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
