Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This toilet bowl is my home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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