He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
