its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
