I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
