So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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