i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
