I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
