Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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