im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
