my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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