I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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