Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
