you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize