she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
