Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
