you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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