**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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