I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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